80s, 90s, Quick Lists, Toys — March 26, 2012 9:12 am

5 Girliest Girl Board Games

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If you were to base your opinions of females strictly on board games marketed specifically to girls, you’d probably be horrified or at least guarding your wallet a little better. That’s not to say these games weren’t fun, but some of them sure were strange. Today we take a look at five of the most sexist board games made for girls, but that were still surprisingly satisfying to play.

5 – Mall Madness

Free shipping on orders over $50?! Aaaah! This game is the best…

It’s the mall with it all! Mall Madness features a 3D mall environment centered around a computer and speaker which served as a game master for the players. The first player to purchase six items from their shopping list and book it back to the parking lot wins. There’s also random clearances and sales that players can hit up. Not really my idea of fun, but maybe when they make an online shopping version of Mall Madness, I’ll change my tune.

4 – Pretty Pretty Princess

Okay, that crown was pretty neat…

The bane of fathers and big brothers everywhere, Pretty Pretty Princess is basically a dress-up game. The player to collect their matching necklace, bracelet, ring, and earrings as well as the crown wins. Except if you get the black ring, then you’re fucked. You’ve just played dress up for an hour to win this game only to be bested by a six-year-old.

3 – Girl Talk

Just what young girls need: more encouragement to make prank phone calls.

Girl Talk is pretty much what you’d expect—girls, gossip, secrets, giggling, prank phone calls, and really, really stupid dares like eating a pickle and mustard sandwich. Players spin the wheel and must do whatever the wheel dictates while collecting fortune cards. If the player doesn’t do what the wheel says, they have to wear a red “zit” sticker for the rest of the game, because that’s the worst punishment when you’re 12. Being a girl is tough. The player to collect one of each four fortunes (career, children, marriage, and special moments) is the winner. I don’t ever remember playing with the fortune cards, though… I just remember those pickle and mustard sandwiches.

2 – Milton Bradley Heart Throb: The dream date game

And as we grow older, we wish we would have read those personality cards. Chronic snorer? Ugh…

Heart Throb is essentially an earlier, less advanced version of Electronic Dream Phone. In Heart Throb, players choose their “heart throb” from some photo cards and guess who each other picked. While players initially choose their pretend boyfriend based solely on looks, personality cards come into play where players learn all sorts of weird disgusting habits these boys have and watch as their friends choose looks over personality (or vice versa).

1 – Electronic Dream Phone

Forget the “dreamy” guys, please let the future accountant have a crush on me!
Move over CSI, teen girls are using their mad detective skills to solve the greatest mystery of our time—which dreamy 90s guy has a crush on them?! Players use a giant pink phone to call around and get clues to eliminate the guys one by one, kind of like a skanky version of Guess Who.

Did we miss your favorite girly board game? Leave a comment below!


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