80s, 90s, Cartoons, Movies, Quick Lists, TV, Video Games — August 8, 2012 8:30 am

6 Fake Video Games

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On TV, in movies, or just online, there are all sorts of hoaxes that float around. Today we’re focusing on video games, as we normally do, to bring you six of the best fake video games you’ll never play (or maybe just not want to play).

6 – Sonic 4/Sonic Crackers

Nothing beats being tethered to a deformed fox.

Thanks to the Internet, a copy of a test engine called Sonic Crackers (or Sonic 4 before there actually was a Sonic 4. Or Sonic Stadium) was passed around, playable on a Sega Genesis emulator. There was lots of speculation around this leaked title—was it an abandoned Genesis game? Was this a missing Sonic title? And most of all—why is this so crappy? In the few playable (if we’re being generous) levels, Sonic and Tails are joined together with a chain of rings, much like the gameplay in the 32X title Knuckles’ Chaotix. If only Sega had leaked the concept online earlier… it would have saved them the trouble of even beginning work on Knuckles’ Chaotix. If you really want to put yourself through it, you can download Sonic Crackers here and play it for yourself. God speed.

5 – Global Thermonuclear War from WarGames

Who knew playing a game on what looks like an ATM could bring so much destruction.

Matthew Broderick stars in the 1983 film WarGames as a nerdier Ferris Bueller. In it, he’s hacking the school computer to change his grades. Remember kids, changing your report card grades on a Commodore 64 is only a gateway activity to starting a nuclear war with Russia. As Bueller hacks his way around, he comes across what he believes is a video game company with staple titles like Chess, Checkers, Backgammon, and Global Thermonuclear War. But, unbeknownst to Bueller, Global Thermonuclear War isn’t a game—it’s a nuclear holocaust simulator—and he inadvertently starts World War III. And you thought Backgammon was bad… whatever that is.

4 & 3 – Bonestorm and Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge from The Simpsons

Shove this up your stocking!

Bart begs his parents for Bonestorm, the hottest new video game for the holiday season. Milhouse gets a copy of course, and we can clearly see that it’s the best game ever, but Bart ends up getting kicked out of Milhouse’s place. This leads Bart to attempt to shoplift Bonestorm, without success. While he doesn’t end up with the super violent and amazing Bonestorm, he ends up with an even better fake game—Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge. The game that every boy wants.

2 – The Cheetahmen

How could this not be picked up by a real game company, what with graphics and storylines as solid as this.

The first part of The Cheetahmen game was featured on the Action 52 cart, and was followed by a dedicated release as Cheetahmen II. The game was never officially released, but leaked copies have surfaced over the years. Although it’s difficult to find IRL, the Internet has made it easy to play with handy ROMs floating around. The game is real, but it lacks the elements that make something a game—control of characters, somewhat decent characters, gameplay that has a smidgen of logic behind it, fun, those sorts of things.

Breaking news, though: there’s a Kickstarter for the release of Cheetahmen II. Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on with the world anymore, either, but I’ll take it.

1 – Chinpokomon from South Park

I choose you, Shoe!

Imitating the frenzy that Pokemon caused in North America, South Park created an episode called Chinpokomon where the kids become obsessed with the Japanese anime of the same name as well as its endless supply of related merchandise. In the game, players are instructed to collect (or buy, rather) all the Chinpokomons… and to drop bombs on Pearl Harbor in an evil merchandise-filled plot. Kenny ends up suffering a seizure after playing the videogame, but Cartman still announces that the game “rules.” Considering the game title translates into “Penis Monster,” yeah, I guess the game is pretty sweet.

Did we miss your favorite fake game? Leave us a comment and let us know!

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