80s, 90s, Commercials, Dolls, Games, Quick Lists, Toys — May 1, 2014 1:22 pm

7 Inappropriate Toy Names

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The 80s and 90s were a different time, a little less politically correct, that’s for sure. That, coupled with lax marketing departments (or some really good trolls), are likely the reason why these toys were so inappropriately named.

7 – Kidgetts

kidgett-midgetEven Wikipedia knows what’s up.

Kidgetts hit the market in 1989, around the same time as Polly Pocket. They were very similar to Polly Pocket, too, except that Polly Pocket is still being produced today while Kidgetts saw their demise in 1990. Kidgetts were small dolls. Like little people… or… midgets? Eh. Name alone could be why Polly thrived in this case because as a toy, Kidgetts were really neat (I loved their hair!) but as a name…

6 – Sit ‘n Spin


Start at 6:00. That actually seems dangerous.

When I hear Sit ‘n Spin, I get a different picture in my head. These seem relatively harmless, clean, all that good stuff, but they don’t look too sturdy judging from that commercial.

5 – Balzac

Hey, is that the kid from The Mighty Ducks? This seems like family-friendly entertainment… what was the product called again?

Balzac, the inflatable balloon ball that you can fill with water and kick across the field, and oh yeah BALL SACK. Someone in the marketing department for sure got fired over this. It’s an innocent enough product, I’m sure it provided lots of fun. And also, BALL SACK. Their website is hilariously terrible in all the best ways. Their “free store” is under maintenance, sadly.

4 – Oreo Barbieoreobarbie

Hey, you got OREO on my Barbie! You got Barbie on my OREO!

Dear Mattel: no.
Love,
Everyone.

3 – Monster in My Pocket

monsterpocket002“Smithers, there’s a Monster in My Pocket.” “You don’t have to tell me, Sir.”

Those pocket-sized monsters were actually little plastic pocket-sized monsters. This later expanded to board games, trading cards, comic books, video games, and even an animated special. None of these things were penises. Not a one.

2 – Let’s Eat Outletseatout

…Let’s?

Let’s Eat Out is a board game manufactured in 1981. What the “Eat Out” part refers to is all the food on the board—the first player to reach the “Home” square by following the Fun Food path wins. It’s not difficult, just stay on the path and everyone wins.

1 – Princess Magic Touch

Where magic things happen at the touch of a wand! Yeah… I bet.

Princess Magic Touch was a line of small-medium dolls produced by Coleco in 1987. The “magic touch” wasn’t anything you needed to call an adult over for, it was simply a magnetic wand that would interact with different accessories. No molestation necessary.

Honorable Mention: Mr. Buckets


Because the balls pop out of his mouth.

Did you have these or any other inappropriately named toys? Leave us a comment!

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