80s, 90s, Commercials, Quick Lists — September 24, 2015 8:04 pm

8 Characters That Shouldn’t Rap

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Rap is an artform that not all can master. Here are some choice selections from the 80s and 90s of characters rapping. They give it an honest try, but it’s time for them to hang up their hats.

8 – Barney Rubble

The Master Rapper loves Fruity Pebbles in a major way, apparently. If you’re going to rap about cereal, at least pick something gangsta like Cap’n Crunch. That shit will cut you.

7 – Rappin’ Rockin’ Barbie

Rappin’ Rockin’ Barbie is neither Rappin’ nor Rockin’. Discuss. This urban stereotype Barbie and her friends all come with boomboxes that make radio static sounds. #ThugLife.

6 – Colin Mochrie

Why is it that every white person rapping starts with “I’m ___ and I’m here to say…”?

5 – Pilsbury Doughboy

“Wrap a wiener filled with cheese, pick it up, it’s sure to please.” I’m not going to touch that one. But I will say Crescent Rolls never fail to satisfy. The Doughboy layin’ it down over a sick beat on the other hand? Yipes.

4 – Kentucky Fried Chicken

Fight for your right for chicken done… right? While this isn’t a character, the franchise should not rap. If there’s such a thing as disco rap, this commercial is it. Which is kind of appropriate for Kentucky Fried Chicken in a weird way.

3 – McDonalds’ McNuggets

Not to be outdone by KFC’s rapping commercial, McDonald’s eventually joined the rap game to peddle their Chicken McNuggets. No rapping commercial is complete with a wrapping pun. Or a scary clown. Or anthropomorphic chicken nuggets.

2 – Honey Smacks Dig’em Frog

Get riggity riggity wrecked son and hopped up on Honey Smacks! While Dig’em may have dropped a sick beat, I still can’t tell the difference between Smacks and Sugar Crisps.

1 – Perfect Strangers/Head of the Class

Nothing is worse than Balki and Cousin Larry rapping– oh wait, the cast of Head of the Cast rapping is worse.

Who should rap, then? The Moo & Oink people!

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