80s, 90s, Food, Quick Lists — May 30, 2014 9:20 am

8 Foods We Ate Out of Squeeze Bottles

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Gimmicky foods are nothing new, but back before we just put bacon on everything and called it a day, food and beverage companies clawed at each other trying to find the next big thing. At one time, eating and drinking things out of squeeze bottles was IT. Here are seven foods and drinks we loved to squeeze.

8 – Squeezit

You don’t just squeeze a Squeezit… you murder it!

Squeezit was magnificent. Not only was it a sugar-filled juice that you drank out of a sweet looking plastic bottle, it was also something you had to squeeze the bejesus out of. Well, maybe you didn’t have to go that far, but it sure was fun. It really beat drinking juice out of a normal container. These guys were a staple in lunch boxes everywhere (if you were one of those lucky spoiled kids). Sadly, these were discontinued in 2001.

7 – Various Gum From Tubes

Mmm… less chewing required. (Photo courtesy Dutch Gum).

There were lots of gum that came in tubes, especially for long-standing franchises (Ghostbusters comes to mind), but no matter whose smiling face was on the package, it was hard to get past the feeling that this gum has already been chewed. What were we thinking?

6 – Guzzlers

guzzlerHow is this still made, but Orbitz isn’t?

While Squeezeit may no longer be around, surprisingly Guzzler is. This beverage of the 90s came, and still comes in, a squeeze water bottle-type container. Judging from the design of their website, Guzzler has been frozen in time. It is forever the 90s for Guzzler, and if you partake in one of their five delicious flavors, you and four friends will be transported back to the time of Spice Girls and POGs.

5 – Skippy Squeez It

skippy-squeez-it

Almost as disgusting as Miracle Whip in a tube! Congrats, Skippy.

Is maneuvering a knife to remove peanut butter from a standard jar too harrowing a task for you? Wouldn’t you prefer if your peanut butter squeezed out like ketchup even though the consistency is way too thick? Well, want no more! It’s Skippy Squeez It to the rescue, solving problems so complex you didn’t even know you had them!

4 – Skippy Squeez Stix

Call me old fashioned, but I prefer Jif – the peanut butter you spread. Or eat right out of the jar with a spoon like a civilized person.

And for those who don’t like to be tied down while squeezing peanut butter out of a tube comes the portable Skippy Squeez Stix. Also available in chocolate.

3 – Hubba Bubba Squeeze Pop

HubbaBubba-Squeeze-PopAt least you won’t crack a tooth on this?

If you’re not one for licking a lollipop and prefer downing a lollipop-like slime instead, then Hubba Bubba has you covered. Real lollipops at least put forth the effort to make it seem like a food substance. Squeeze Pop? They may as well just inject the high fructose corn syrup straight to your heart.

2 – Yoplait Go-Gurt

In my day, we ate yogurt with a spoon!

I realize kids are busy, but can’t we all agree that when we eat yogurt, we sit down, grab a spoon, and take in the experience? Do we always have to grab-n-go with our yogurt like we’re some cheap prostitute? We deserve more than that, yogurt!

1 – Heinz EZ Squirt

heinz-ez-squirtNO.

First, let’s tackle the name: EZ Squirt. Isn’t every ketchup easily squirtable? Who is having difficulty squeezing ketchup out? Maybe you need to stick to a jar of mustard. Secondly, who had such a problem with red ketchup that they needed to concoct horrific colors for kids to spread on fries? Why did this exist? I know it’s still ketchup, even though it’s purple, but I still want to heave.

What did you like to squeeze? Uh, keep it PG, folks!

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