80s, April, Articles, Movies — April 1, 2012 1:17 am

Interview with Teen Wolf

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We here at Pop Rewind strive to provide our readers with high-quality interviews that expose the heart of our subject. Today we’re proud to bring you a first—an interview with Scotty Howard, better known as Teen Wolf from the aptly titled 1985 film Teen Wolf.

Pop Rewind: Welcome Scotty, I’m glad you could join us today.

Scotty Howard: My pleasure. I—

PR: *Sneezing uncontrollably* You’ll have to excuse me. I guess it’s allergy season.

SH: Don’t worry about it. As I was saying—

PR: *More sneezing* This is really embarrassing, but when was the last time you were brushed?

SH: Excuse me?

PR: I’m allergic to dander. Maybe your excess fur is causing this reaction.

SH: Are you calling me dirty? Besides, I’m not even wolfed out right now.

PR: Okay, okay. *Sneezes* We’ll just continue then, my discomfort notwithstanding. So Scotty, we haven’t seen you since 1985—what have you been up to in the last 27 years?

SH: Well, I’m married to Boof, we have three beautiful cubs—I mean, kids—and I’ve mainly kept quiet over the years. Being Teen Wolf can be scary if you can’t control it. I’m pretty good at it, so I don’t have to worry as much. We cherish our quiet family time.

PR: So you never did anything spectacular with your wolf powers other than play basketball? Did you ever end up working for your father at the hardware store?

SH: *sighs* Well, yes. I’m at the hardware store, but I do other stuff, too. Like, me and Boof rent movies. And I went to a kegger once with Stiles in college.

PR: Are you angry about that one basketball fan stealing your moment after the big game by exposing himself in the bleachers?

SH: I didn’t notice it at the time, but going back through the footage of my high school basketball game, it wasn’t hard to find. I think it does diminish the story somewhat, a wonderful coming of age tale, of finding love and romance and true happiness, and now all anyone can see when they watch my old basketball game is some other guy’s wang hanging out. That should be my wang they’re looking at.

PR: This just went into a really weird direction.

SH: Yes it did.

PR: *Sneezes* Moving on, were you consulted about the newest reincarnation of your life story—the live-action Teen Wolf series currently airing on MTV?

SH: They clearly butchered it, but what can you expect from MTV. There are a lot of glaring errors—like that kid plays lacrosse. What is that? Canadian basketball?

PR: No. How is your cousin Todd and the rest of the family?

SH: Todd is as hairy as ever, as is most of the family. We’re carrying out the long-running tradition of not warning our kids about the possible Teen Wolf affliction and letting them figure out if they have it or not at the most awkward possible times. We’re also all really thankful that no one in the town seems to mind werewolves hanging out, and that no one has shot any tranquilizer darts at us lately.

PR: That’s too bad. What projects are you working on now?

SH: Inventory at the hardware store, I guess. I’d like to work on collecting residuals from the Teen Wolf TV series and go on a vacation.

PR: Good luck with that. Looking to the future, what are your plans?

SH: I’ve recently been approached to be the new face of Just for Men’s Teen Wolf line. I actually just did the photoshoot for it last weekend and the product will be hitting the shelves in May. Be sure to check it out to cover those grey wolf hairs in a natural, manly way.

PR: Well, that’s something at least. Now, I’m sure all our PR readers are curious to know—what’s the best remedy to get rid of fleas?

SH: Are you insinuating that I have fleas?

PR: I’m sure you’ve come across them in your travels.

SH: I have not.

PR: Okay then. Just like you clearly bathe regularly to reduce dander *sneezes*.

SH: I don’t appreciate the insinuation. *growls*

PR: And I don’t appreciate the wet dog smell.

SH: Augh! *growls, wolfing out*

Teen Wolf: I see what you did. That was a dick move.

PR: Finally! Thank you for your time today, Teen Wolf!

TW: …right.

Thanks again to Teen Wolf for taking the time to talk to us at Pop Rewind today!

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