90s, Celebrities, Movies, Obsession of the Day — November 20, 2015 10:40 am

Obsession of the Day: The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon

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Earlier this week in my Internetting journeys, I came across a movie so mind-blowing that it couldn’t possibly exist: The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon. That is a real movie title. And it stars Tony Danza. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

danza-football

Also, the entire thing is on YouTube:

The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon (which we’ll just refer to as Garbage from here on out) is a 1998 made-for-TV Disney movie. Granted, made-for-TV-movies of the 90s aren’t exactly masterpieces. They’re all odd with a mish-mash cast, but at least their titles are a little more concise.

The version of Garbage on YouTube isn’t a rip of the VHS, it’s some dude filming Garbage playing on his television. If you want to recreate the experience of watching a bootleg VHS screener of Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace but need more Danza in your life, then that above playlist is clearly for you.

For those who don’t want to subject yourselves through 78 minutes of straight cringe, I’ll sum it up for you: Tony Danza is a garbage man, which embarrasses his kid (don’t garbage men make bank? That kid needs to STFU). As a garbage man, Danza’s truck is a POS, so he has to kick the back of it all the time. This gives Danza Super Football Powers. These powers grab the attention of a scouting agent for the Philadelphia Eagles, Danza joins the team, becomes a dick, loses everything, then becomes less of a dick, regains everything, and becomes a football-playing garbage man advocate. As you do.

danza-shocked

Even Danza himself seems overly perplexed by the whole ordeal.

Like other 90s made-for-TV-movies, Garbage has an interesting cast. Besides Danza and a handful of football players, we have Ray Wise and Fred Stoller, the two actors that when you see them in something you turn to your friend and ask, “Who is that guy? What’s he been in? I’ve seen him recently…” Then you both look him up on your phones go, “OHHH THAT GUY”, vow never to forget his name, then forget his name immediately and do the same damn thing every time you see him. You know, THOSE actors.

those-guys

Garbage, and how it is presented on YouTube, is the ultimate 90s crapfest. In a good way. But it’s still bad. Should you check it out? Have a couple beers, get settled in, and at least watch the first three videos before giving up completely.

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