90s, Anime, Blog, Cartoons, Video Games — February 24, 2018 11:22 am

Pokemon Article Deep Dive

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Sometimes you get to a weird place on the Google News Archives. Today is one of those days. I wanted to do an article about schools banning POGs, but instead we’re stuck with these really strange headlines about Pokemon. Accompany me on this journey, won’t you.

Burger King runs low on Pokemon toys, The Tuscaloosa News, November 13, 1999.

Noted in the article: “A week’s supply disappeared at some locations in a few days, resulting in long lines of disappointed parents, children and collectors, some of whom tried to buy hundreds of the items at a time, Burger King officials said.”

1.) Disappointment and Burger King go hand-in-hand, why is this article reporting it like news?

2.) Scalpers. Man.

Tomorrow’s treasures, The Spokesman Review, January 3, 2000

“When Cub Scout Pack No. 345 decided to bury a time capsule in December, each Scout had the chance to put in something he considered special from the past year. The objects included Pokemon cards, sports cards, homemade Christmas ornaments and Evan Miller’s toy car.”

Aim high.

Burger King apologizes for Pokemon shortage, The Ledger, November 23, 1999

These are trying times we live in.

“The toys and trading cards created a stampede at some Burger King restaurants. Some restaurants ran out of toys and cards immediately.”

Don’t worry, they still have plenty of burgers.

Burger King recalling Pokemon toys’ containers, The Free Lance-Star, December 28, 1999

Ok, this one is a little sad, so I’ll lay off the “Burger King is terrible” jokes. A 13 month old suffocated on the container for one of the Pokemon toys. Sorry little guy/gal.

Let’s lighten this back up, shall we.

Shorter school year would have benefits, The Student Gazette, May 19, 2000

This is a great little opinion piece from Jessica in fourth grade. I mean, if they made work like this, I’d show up more often.

“The teachers would make the kids be quieter and more cooperative with the bus driver. When we have rollerskating parties, I would like them to be five hours long and they would give out free things such as candy or Pokemon cards.”

Hell yeah Jessica, sign me up for this!

Health Briefs: Pokemon may be cancer trigger, Star-News, January 21, 2005

Um. What?!

“An international team of scientists believes it has found cancer’s master switch with the discover of a gene they dubbed ‘Pokemon’.”

…but can you not?

Phony Pokemon: Trading cards latest target of counterfeiters, The Times/Beaver Newspapers Inc., Pennsylvania, December 15, 1999

“So far this year, Pokemon fakers have been arrested in at least four states. Customs officials have seized more than $20 million worth of counterfeit Pokemon goods in the last six months– about half of that trading cards.”

What are you in for?
I killed a man.
I robbed six banks


Photo from Comedy Central UK

OH U BADASS.

The Pokemon mania won’t last, Gainesville Sun, November 22, 1999

“However, like the wildly popular baseball cards that were red hot 10 years ago, this junk will also fade as a fad and you’ll be using them to light your fireplaces next winter. Pokemon is another sad example of the “dumbing down” of America”.

Sorry, I had to edit this article to make it a bit more accurate:

That is all.

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